Where would Mystery Critic NEVER go back again in the SF Bay Area? This is a on-going blog of some of the worst restaurants in the SF Bay Area that Mystery Critic has ever patronized. We are not talking just bad food here - but just an overall lousy experience - food with no taste, service based on hatred, need to take out a credit line to pay for, falling ceiling beam, etc. Here are the winners (and you can bet that more will be added): - Amber Cafe [Mt. View and San Jose] - Maybe it's my bad luck, but this highly-acclaimed place just tastes aweful to me - BOTH locations!! If they don't know how to cook meat, they should keep this a vegetarian place; but pathetically they don't even offer any good and hot vegetarian dishes in their buffet line. I'd MUCH rather go to Kabab Korner which costs less and doesn't pretend to be high-class.
- Chao Praya [San Mateo] - I've not been back since I left a large company in the neighborhood ten years ago. Now I wish I had never gone back. I mean, how could ANY restauant put bell pepper in every single dish? And they recommend a catfish dish that smells like it was fried back in 1999 and kept in the freezer since then! OH, and did I mention it's not even cheap - even though it felt like a downright cheap experience all around?? You don't want to know what happened to me that night and the day after..... My stomach complained..... BTW, check out the google review and it's another example of 1) group reviews are TRASH, period, or 2) Mr. Critic was simply out of luck to the extreme. For your stomach's sake, drive 30 min and go to Krung Thai in San Jose.
- Chevy [Chain] - People compare this place with Chili's and I want to puke. At least I've had some good dining experiences in Chili's, but Chevy is a different story. From the soggy chips to tough meat to the driest tortillas on the planet, they've got it all. Nothing there ever impressed me - not even the margarita!! A special note - in case you didn't read the FAQ, I lived in Central America for a few years so I do tend to enjoy either the very authentic or the least authentic Mexican food.
- Jeffrey's Hamburger [San Mateo] - This place makes Johnny Rocket taste like French Laundry. There are some good reviews on the web so I thought I check out this place after many years. Maybe it was my luck, but my idea of an awesome burget DOESN'T include soggy bread, bleeding patty (when I asked for Medium, hello?) and tasteless sauce served with half-warm fries that are mixed with cheese and garlic that smell like something rotten. Coming from guy who enjoys In-N-Out and any food with garlic, that's pretty harsh criticism. Again, I hope it's just my bad luck, but I'll NEVER go back.
- Merlion [Cupertino] - It's another Southeast Asian place that is totally disappointing. If you can show me how you enjoy eating a nice glass wine cellar and satisfy your tastebud with statues of merlions (like three of them), DON'T even try this place. It's got a big bar and nice-looking menu (with inkjet paint falling off though), but everything else is unimpressive to the extreme. Food is definitely not authentic - but that's not a big problem - and downright terrible yet pricey. Charcoaled fish and steak (I mean very black) that are tiny, noodles that fall apart, creative appetizers that taste aweful. You name it, they got it. But they do have the merlion statues that are cute.
- Left Bank [Many Locations] - OH MAN, can they insult the Left Bank any more than this place.... Food was hard to describe - continental maybe? Overpriced and pretentious, downright unbelievable that people would wait an hour to get in. The only positive thing is a nice waiter and some cute waitresses (OOPS! Is my wife reading this?) BTW, the decor and design are NOT even left bank - it looks a lot more right bank-ish.
- Outback Steakhouse [Cupertino and Many Locations] Alright, I don't know if it's my taste or what, but for the life of me I CANNOT figure out why this place is constantly packed. It definitely "priced right", but in return you'll come out feeling sick - at least that's my experience every single time!! Never order the prime rib - it tastes like they carved it a month ago, kept it frozen and reheated it to serve you..... Last time we visited it even screwed up blossom onion - that's not an easy achievement!!!
- San Jose Flea Market [San Jose] - Going to the SJ flea market is like visiting Mexico. It's not really a place to find cheap bargains any more - you can probably find cheaper and better stuff in Target or Wal-Mart; however, it's like a genuine Mexican marketplace, with lots of color and sound. The food, however, is downright terrible. With all the mexicans around, the only edible food there are the prepared fruits with lime juice and chili power. The BBQ ribs are super dry and taste like they've been frozen for year then overcooked some more. To be truly disgusted, try the BBQ chicken - you can't tell meat from bone because they are equally dry.
  
- Straits Cafe [Many Location] - This is a highly-acclaimed Southeast Asian place. I love the cuisine but hate this restaurant - never had a good experience there in ANY of its locations!! The last time I went to the Burlingame location - what a disaster!! Crab tastes like frozen pre-cooked, beef was as hard a beef jerky, and fish was bland. Even the rice was dry and only lukewarm. Unless you absolutely have to eat at a place that pretends to be cool, don't even walk thru those doors. BTW, if you are in South Bay, try Banana Leaf. It's not spectacular, but much better than Straits in all categories.
Want to have something good instead? Click HERE to see some GOOD restaurants in the SF Bay Area!
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